Champo

Do you know I am stupid enough to sometime cry while watching emotional movies? Yes I am. But I never imagined I will cry watching stupid Salman Khan’s movie Janeman haha. Anyway, I tried to give you some space and try not to bother you much, as that’s what usually I am doing, and you called me to ask what has gone wrong. 

Coming back to the movie, I just had a strange thought which made me cry. I felt like ‘Champo’ (Akshay Kumar) who just cant speak and express in front of you, and what he said at one place to Priety Zinta, you have fallen in love with Salman again not me, all the things I did or say were of Salman’s not mine, only my body was used. And it hit me so hard, I am a perfect Champo, you don’t love me that way and even if one day you start loving me will that really because of me? 

Ok I know it is a stupid thought but you do act stupid when you are in love don’t you? Its 3:15 Am in the morning and all I am doing is thinking about you and writing about you. You know why?.. 

Because I love you sweetheart, I love you.

What to do?

I am jinxed. As much as I want you should stay happy and comfortable I do something unknowingly that makes you uncomfortable. The pic I took with you, as you mentioned you weren’t comfortable :( 

I don’t know, I feel you don’t sms me as much as you used to, and neither do you often say bye and just disappear. I hope it’s just because you weren’t feeling well. If ever you are uncomfortable with me Mish just let me know :(. I don’t know what to do. 

I love you yar, I would do anything to be part of your life, even if it’s just as a friend. 

Shit, I am messed up. I don’t know what to do, I know you were not feeling well and I can’t do anything, and then both times today you just disappeared from sms’s. When I called; you rejected the call and sms’ed me you will call me in a while, it’s been 5 hours 28 minutes and you didn’t. :( 

I am sorry yar if there is something you are mad at me. 

Love you, love you immensely.

Nov 7, 2006

Probably you are already enjoying your Cinderella dreams :) Its 3:27 AM right now, I am totally tun as well but just wanted to write something before I go to sleep. I wanted to tell ya Mish that you looked absolutely beautiful in black top and grayish skirt. I had a terrible headache today but you made my day :). Thank you for coming. 

It’s only been few hours since I left you home but I spent every moment missing you since then. You know, yar, you have the most prettiest smile :) your eyes… I just go out of words. I start feeling words can’t do justice. Finally I had a chance to see your hair after Eid and they give a ‘V’ shape and look pretty cool. 

It was fun meeting everyone, most importantly – you :) you know, I have always imagined those movie like stupid romantic moments with you where you will place your head on my shoulder and be in my soft hug, but reality is far different :) atleast, you are close. 

The fact you don’t love me as I do is sometimes painful but I will survive, atleast you are there in my life, as a friend :) it aches the heart sometimes, it kills me. But then again I try to understand. I never want to have a false relation with you anyway, even if you did love me back there would be hundreds other barriers, and I rather stay your true friend my whole life then being in a few years relation. Although there is no denying how crazily I adore you. And I will always think I will never be able to truly convince my feelings. 

I am not saying I don’t want your kisses, your hugs, and the moments in immense love. But a genuine, honest love. I don’t know what I am writing here in my sleep so I will shut my mouth now :) 

Love you sweetheart Mish. Will always do. 

PS: Maybe someday you will too?:)

Meeting you

I counted single second for the moment to come when I will be seeing you. I didn’t sleep, I stayed awake, waiting, counting. Knowing that you will be in your pretty pink dress. Knowing I will be able to see your pretty eyes, your beautiful lips. Hoping I will hold your hand and feel your soul, and be able to share, what I feel, what I am going thru. Hoping to hear from you, and while you speak, only see you. I was hoping to have an ice cream, have fun and enjoy. 

The moment came, and went by in few moments. We spoke for less then a minute and had to say bye, I understand for the obvious reasons of neighbors and camera’s. But still, I wish it had lasted more. Few more hours, or minutes. Even seconds. Few more moments with you. 

Going away from you is like someone is stretching and tearing apart your skin from your body, but I kept moving, away from you. With pain but hopeful, I will see you again, I will hold your hand, I will spend more time with you. 

I hope. 

I love you Mish.

You shed a tear for me

It is terrible to know you shed tears that day :( I know I am guilty, I have no words to say, I know I don’t deserve an apology. And I don’t know what to write here. 

I have told you what I was going thru but that cant be an excuse, but Mish trust me you have no idea how much importance you have in my heart, although I cant truly make you understand. 

But why did you cry sweetie? I am important to you because I am your friend or do you love me? If so why you never said it so? I don’t know what to do, its been long since you went to sleep but I cant, I still feel terrible, I made you cry. 

I wanted to ask but I couldn’t. I don’t know I am going crazy tonight.

Oct 30th 2006

In past few days so much happened, I am no longer at the place where we had a chance to atleast see each other once in a while and meet. Things happened bit too fast, not as I was hoping them to be and this made you angry. I am sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to :( 

I know we can’t forget some things in life and this might get one of those, I have no words to say, I am guilty as charged. Next time you see me, hit me as much as you like as I already told you. 

I have been in so much pain; vacuity and confusion during past few days and my only peace of mind has been you. Only you. You have no idea how much you mean to me, I know my actions and words sometime seem stupid but what is in my heart I can not tell, can not truly express. Maybe at times I am not as strong as much as I seem. 

Every end is a new beginning; I hope so. 

Haha and to remember, lets remember our wedding date Oct 30^th 2006 when you became my virtual wife :)

Calling you at 2 AM.

It is so unfair when we have shifts as, you know, when you are on shift I am not and when you get off I am on shift, and then there remains no time to stay in touch. 

And even more unfair thing is I have to get and collect things, get the car and gather everyone who will be going with me, so I am the one who don’t get a chance to talk to you :( 

But not anymore, I am so sorry I bugged you at 2 AM in the night but I really really wanted to hear your voice :) I wanted to make my day. Thank you. 

Missed you. And ofcourse, love you :)

Matte green and blue

Its been four hours since you told me you are wearing matte green with contrast of blue, trousers and shirt, and I have imagines millions of combinations so far, billions of styles. And you look so perfect in all of them. You didn’t mention in your SMS if the shirt was blue or the trousers, I have sent you an SMS lets see when I get to know :) I will be waiting.

That thing you said you will share, you still haven’t and I don’t know when you will. I will wait. Hope you won’t make me wait too long.

I saw an Angel

…fairy perhaps. 

My eyes longed to find you, name tags to name tags, and slowly my heart started to sink. I could not find your name, or your pretty face, the glimpse of your hair, I could not see. Two minutes, five – ten, and you were not there. 

I delayed to log in, my eyes searching for you, one by one, this corner to other, I saw everyone else, but you. I can not tell what I felt; it was like drowning, being chocked. Everyone was gone, can you still be somewhere? Will you still come? I didn’t know. And when all hopes were gone, I heard a voice, maybe in my dreams, you called my name, is it real? Is it YOU? 

Yes it was. I could not know how to Thank You, how to Thank God. When I turned my face I saw an angel, I saw you, I came to life, I survived, I lived, my words got trapped in my mouth, I couldn’t say much. My dear Mish you looked so wonderful, so pretty in your blue shirt and pink shalwar. Bluish shoes, so pure, so loveable. 

Although I regret I wasn’t able to properly see your hair as you ran away in such a hurry and I didn’t get a chance but thank you mish, thank you so much. I don’t know what else to say.

Eid Mubarak

Suddenly I have started to feel energetic, happy. The first call on Eid I received was from you :). I hope I will be seeing you today even if it’s for a few moments; I need to see your new hair cut and how my princess looks :) can’t wait. 

I wish you and your family a wonderful Eid. Eid Mubarak.

And I love you.

I can not imagine what in the world could be, that will stop, or convince me, not to love you. No, there can not be anything at all.

You wanted to tell me something but you did not, and said you will later; I will wait. Although you know I can not live with curiosities and incomplete conversations but when you tell me to wait I have no other option. I will wait. You were afraid this time I will mind, I can’t see why. My happiness is in your happiness and sweetheart, Mish, if you ever want to see me happy, please keep yourself happy. I will always be there to support your decisions no matter if they are against me.

I am sick

I have a terrible sore throat and fever. And I think you have gone to sleep as well. 

I wished I will be able to see you today in your new white dress but just had a glimpse :( I am sick, it’s hurting me loads. I shall go now and try to rest, have a shift tomorrow. Only came to say, ‘I love ya’

Meggie Noodles

I am having my Meggie Noodles :) at 1 of the night I went to get those while I was still talking to you on SMS, not because I love Meggie, but because you do and if you do I certainly want to try them out. Now, I am having them haha, its difficult to grab them in spoon, they are as naughty as you are, as hot, chatpatay and ofcourse cute hehe :) I am also looking at your pics the ones I have, I know you are fast asleep right now, I wonder what you are dreaming about? Am I in your dreams Mish? 

Sweetheart, I love you.

Chukh ke batao

“Chukh” ke dekhna hai tumhain ab tu :p haha so you were asking when did I taste you, to tell you the truth I haven’t, but some things needs not to be tasted, you can just look at them and tell how delicious they are, aroma and the look is enough. So is yours, and I am sure you are the most sweet ;)

Yar but, you seemed tensed, worried, I don’t know, maybe its just my imagination but I hope everything is fine. I hope you get all the happiness of life and stay happy. There is nothing else I want more in life.

Jealousy

Finally I must admit I do get jealous, not too much, but a little for sure. I don’t want to act like a typical stupid guy, neither I am like that but I don’t know why, I sometimes do feel a little jealousy. I am sorry, I don’t know if it is a good thing or a bad, but when you told me that “A’s” friend calls you.

I don’t want you to feel it’s not worth sharing with me, and you might stop sharing because I always get jealous or act stupid. It’s a different kind of jealousy, really. Its not actually being jealous, its like feeling, wishing that I should have spent those moments with you. I feel empty. Anyway :) I am so happy today because I heard your giggles today, love talking to you sweetheart, really, love you too much.

SMS Chat

One of the most beautiful things in life is to have an sms chat with you. Even though when I am dead tired I love each and every sms you send me. Last night I was total tun but I kept the cell in my hand and its vibration kept me awake, well I am sorry that in the end I did sleep hehe :). 

Yesterday was a wonderful day, I sat on your chair, used the same keyboard, with each keypress I felt I was touching an area where you have touched. The mic, it was too close, it must have felt your breaths and how could I not kiss it? :) wish I was that lucky to feel your breaths from that close. 

That was it, I guess I will miss you today and when you are free, talk to you as much as I can.

Hello Mish!!

I don’t know, I just had an stupid idea to talk to you while I can’t talk to you :) how? Well, here, by writing a new blog, specially dedicated to you. I ll keep this blog private but I am not sure, maybe it can be searched from the net so I don’t wanna take your name, I ll call you, Mish. 

Hmmm I am total tun right now, I came back from a late night shift & then had to go early because of the team meeting and again its almost 2 of the night, and I have to go early again in the morning. But well, today, actually yesterday that was 16^th oct 2006 you were looking way too pretty. In your pink shirt. Perfect princes, white pants with zippers and all :) truth is, you looked out of the world. It was difficult to resist and keep the distance hehe, so I decided not to come too close. I know I told ya you looked nice but I know I cant truly tell you my feelings, how truly you looked an absolute angel. Maybe, one day, you will find out. Maybe, you will never :) 

Anyway, I think I am total behosh and I don’t even know what I have written up there. I have a quiz tomorrow and I am not much motivated for it.